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Guilt and shame after relapsing, unfortunately, is a part of the process for many individuals, and it can be incredibly challenging. After achieving sobriety, a relapse can be a deeply emotional and difficult experience, often bringing with it overwhelming feelings of guilt and shame.
However, it’s essential to understand that relapse is not a failure; instead, it can be seen as a temporary setback on the journey to recovery. Some might describe it as two steps forward, one step back, but rather than viewing it strictly as a setback, it’s more helpful to consider it as an integral part of the recovery journey.
Relapsing is part of the process for most people
In the context of a 12-step program, such as AA, the concept of a setback often comes into play. Participants earn chips for milestones like 24 hours, 30 days, 60 days, 90 days, one year, and so on. When a relapse occurs, the practice is to start back from zero. One individual shared an experience of relapsing after a decade or more of sobriety, with the relapse lasting only seven hours.
The frustration was evident when they questioned the idea that those few hours could negate years of recovery. But the reality is that the recovery journey isn’t erased by a relapse. Although the clock might reset, the progress and the growth achieved over time are still valid. The relapse doesn’t diminish the overall journey or the lessons learned along the way.
Dealing with guilt and shame
At a meeting, an individual shared their experience of relapse. This person had been in recovery for many years but faced a relapse on January 1st. Rather than focusing on the specific number of days of sobriety following the relapse, they chose to emphasize the fact that they had been in recovery for all those years.
This perspective highlights that while the clock may restart after a relapse, the overall journey and the progress made along the way are still significant. Slipping up and falling is part of the process for many, but the key is to get back up and do so as quickly as possible. The journey continues, and each step forward, even after a setback, is part of the recovery process.
Relapse is not a failure but a part of the journey
When someone relapses, it’s crucial to reach out for help immediately—without delay. Contacting a sponsor, friends in recovery, or attending a meeting can make a significant difference. Sharing with others that a relapse occurred, that there was a slip, a fall, or a stumble, is essential. Keeping it inside only fuels the guilt and shame, making it harder to return to the recovery path and reengage in the process.
Tips for dealing with guilt and shame after relapsing
Here are some tips for dealing with guilt and shame after relapsing. It’s not even necessarily a setback; for most, it’s just part of the process. The past can’t be changed once a relapse occurs. Think about it—everyone has moments they wish they could undo. While the past can’t be altered, what can be done is to reflect on those choices and make different decisions moving forward, with the hope that better decisions will be made the next time.
Reach out for support
Talking to someone trusted about feelings can be very helpful. This could be a friend, a family member, or a professional such as a therapist, counselor, peer support specialist, or recovery coach. Support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous are also valuable for connecting with others who understand the experience. Many people who have relapsed have sought treatment multiple times, and relapses are not uncommon. It’s important to avoid self-blame and remember that there are many who can relate and offer support.
Practice self-compassion
At an AA meeting or similar support gathering, sharing a relapse often brings compassion and understanding from others present. People in these meetings are generally empathetic and recognize the difficulties involved. Practicing self-compassion is crucial—being kind and understanding toward oneself is essential. Addiction is recognized as a disease, and relapse is a common aspect of both the experience and the recovery journey. Treating oneself with the same kindness and compassion offered to a struggling friend can be very helpful.
Identify triggers and warning signs
Identifying triggers and warning signs is an important part of the recovery process. Reflecting on what led up to a relapse can reveal any missed triggers or warning signs. Understanding these factors helps in developing strategies to avoid similar triggers and manage cravings in the future.
Setting realistic goals for your recovery
Setting realistic goals is crucial in the recovery process. It’s important to focus on taking small steps and celebrating each victory, no matter how small. This approach helps to acknowledge and appreciate progress, such as marking milestones like 24 hours, 30 days, 60 days, 90 days, and beyond. Celebrating these achievements reinforces positive progress and encourages continued effort.
Staying connected to your recovery community
Staying connected to the recovery community and engaging in supportive activities is vital for maintaining sobriety. This often includes attending support group meetings and participating in social gatherings before and after these meetings. These additional interactions, whether it’s coffee, breakfast, lunch, or dinner, help reinforce connections and provide continued support. Engaging in these activities can significantly enhance the recovery journey.
The meeting before the meeting and after the meeting
Attending meetings and participating in activities around them can be an important part of the recovery process. One common routine involves meeting early in the morning for coffee, focusing on supporting others, and then attending a group meeting. For instance, many people find value in attending a morning meeting and then engaging in another meeting at a later time. These gatherings, like a 7 a.m. meeting at a local venue, offer opportunities to connect with others and maintain a strong support network.
Following the meeting, some individuals continue their day by socializing with friends or engaging in physical activities. This might include catching up over coffee or participating in fitness activities like spinning or yoga. These routines help maintain connections and support overall well-being in the recovery journey.
Relapse as an opportunity for growth and learning
Relapse is often viewed not as a failure but as a crucial part of the journey toward recovery. For many, it serves as a valuable lesson rather than an end point. The experience of relapse can reveal underlying issues and areas that need further attention. Recognizing this can transform the setback into an opportunity for growth and understanding.
The process of recovery involves continuous learning and adaptation. Regular participation in support groups and meetings offers not just a space for sharing but also for reflecting on personal experiences. Engaging in these settings, even through simple interactions like having coffee before or after a meeting, strengthens connections with others and reinforces the commitment to recovery.
Conclusion
Engaging with a therapist or participating in a sober hobby can be crucial after a relapse. Relapse should be viewed not as the end but as a potential for growth and learning. By practicing self-compassion, seeking support, and remaining committed to recovery, the path can be resumed and progress can continue.
For more resources and support, visit the Resilient Home Living website, where comprehensive treatment services are available. This includes inpatient and outpatient treatment, sober living, recovery coaching, and sober companion services. If struggling, reaching out for help can lead to connections with people or treatment centers that may be a better fit.
For more information or to get started, visit our website at resilienthomeliving.com or email us at contact@resilienthomeliving.com. We’re here to assist you in building a solid foundation for a successful transition and recovery.